Another T update, guys! Enjoy!

So...I'd been planning on doing a T update every month, to allow time for more...effects to occur. However, I decided to do one now. For about a week and a half now, my voice has been cracking very noticabley. God, it's so embarrassing >.<; Even though I'm happy about it. For the past few days, it's been so bad that I've been compared to Dori from Finding Nemo while she's speaking whale. Seriously, it's that bad guys >___O;;

I find it interesting though, other transguys that I've listened to through Youtube and such, some of them have been on T twice as long as me and don't seem to show any chance in voice. So I'm pretty happy that mine is cracking like this already. When it's not cracking, people say that I just sound hoarse, but since I don't have a recording device, I haven't been able to hear myself yet - other than through my own mouth, but we all know that you don't sound the same to yourself as you do to everyone else.

Anyway...today has been particularly exciting for me, because I haven't heard my voice crack today. I was even singing in the car, and it sounded fine. Pheww, Maybe I'm done with the squeaking? I'm not sure, but I really hope so.

Next week, I'm due for another doctor's appointment, and hopefully I'll get another prescription. I'm stoked.

Huzzah!

An update on T

So, I've been on T for just barely over a month now. Hurray! I really can't say that I see all that many changes yet. So far, I've been suffering more ance breakouts than usual. But it's nothing that a few Noxema pads won't take care of. I've also realized that I smell a little different. I know that this is odd, but it's true, I swear it xD But I expected that; my good ol' doctor said that men and women smell differently due to hormones. Another change that I've realized, or rather, that my family and friends keep pointing out is that my arms seem bigger. Honestly, I can't really be sure xD I've looked at them, and I don't see a change, but several people keep saying it, so I guess it's true, right?

Anyway, that's enough about T for now, let's get on to something more...depressing.

My grandmother isn't very happy about my transition, like I've mentioned. The other day, she told me that it's been really hard on her, and that she may or may not be kicking me out. If she does this, I'm fucking screwed, I won't sugar-coat it. I can't go to my father and stepmom, on account of my stepmother hates me and practically kicked me out once already. I can't go to my mother, because I'd kill her son (Yes, her son, not my brother,) I can't go to my oldest sister's because she has enough on her plate already, and I can't go to my other sister because I used to live with her and she tried to kick me out - and then I left. I've got no friends that I can move in with, so basically...if I get booted out, I'm more or less on the streets. My father says that he'd let me move back temporarily, but I really doubt that my stepmother would let me back in.

Believe me, I'm definitely feeling the stress, but I'm just trying to take life one day at a time.

I realized something the other day; During my transition so far, no one in my family has ever asked me if Testosterone is making me happier. Realizing this really hurt, because I'm doing this transition to make myself happy, but everyone outside of my friends seem to think that I'm doing this just to hurt them. Yeah...Sure, I'm changing my sex to make the whole world turn against me - I'm not that fucking pathetic, thanks.

Hoping that tomorrow is better

Today, my cousin got married. Whoopdeefuckingdoo.
Sorry, but I don't care. I really don't care. I went. So that means something, right? Sure, I guess so.

I dropped my grandmother and my other cousins off at our home, and I grabbed my T, and I went to mum's. At mum's, I'm feeling extremely aggrivated. I'm annoyed and pissed off and everything's bugging me. I really hate those last few days of the week before I get to take my next shot. Seriously.

I'm just really hoping that tomorrow is better.
Cheers!

Now witness the best fucking bento ever!

[img]http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/4/2008/12/494x_walle_bento.jpg[/img]

Just checking in

Wow, so...I'll apologize now for the random hiatus. Seriously, wow, so much has happened between my last posting and now >__O; The only trouble is that I'm not sure that I'll remember it all xDD Ah, such is life. So, let's pick up where I left off, right?

I've been on testosterone since May 9th. I've taken four shots so far, but I haven't really noticed any changes yet =__=; *Sigh* the only changes that I can report as of now is the fact that I feel really confident about myself, which has given me the figurative balls to try talking an octave or so lower *But I sound like I have a cold while I do this* I've also realized that I have a shit-ton of energy now xD Like, I have issues sleeping because I'm wired 24/7 xDD Hahaa. It's great, but sucks at the same time o.O; Go figure...Ahem, I've also realized that Mondays and Tuesdays are my happy days, since the T is highest in my system at this time *Grin* So yeah, I like Mondays and Tuesdays now. And...yes, I'm going to tell you this even if it's creepy (Since this blog is meant specifically to help my fellow transboys understand what's happening to them while they're on T) Frankly...I am horny all the time >___O; It's actually getting annoying now xDD Yes, I'm very blunt, but it's true. T makes you horny, especially when your natural T levels are as low as mine were. 43. Seriously. I'm such a fucking girly boy.

Ahem, other than this, I've started school again.

I've been attending my humanities class, and...it's interesting. But I feel really out of place because I'm quite the hardcore atheist, and we're talking about nothing but religion right now. Everytime the teacher brings up Genesis or Revelations, I just stare at her like "o___O; Say what?" So yeah...that part sucks, but oh well. Oh, and my teacher has a way very Italian accent, and she has the hardest time saying "Darius," xD God, it makes me laugh *Snort*

Uhm...What else?

Well, I'm working on getting a laptop, cus I really need one for school.

Oh! And I'm going to Pride this Sunday! I'm super excited! The only thing that I don't like about Pride is the fact that I feel like a minority there...since I'm one of the only primarily straight transboys that I know =__=; Oh, and I can't forget to write about going to Pride for extra credit in my Humanities class. Don't forget, Dar-bear! <3

Pretty much the best day of my life

And for several good reasons n__n

So...to start off, I went to the grocery store to get my syringes, unfortunately, they were in, but they weren't ready and packaged up for me. In the meantime, I bought some alcohol swabs, some cotton balls, and some laundry soap, I dropped my stuff off in the car and went back to the pharmacy. After about an hour, I managed to get my syringes. Hell yes! I ran right home to take my dose. After having a little trouble in getting the T into the syringe, I call my nurse Slade and ask for help. I manage to get it done and shoot it into my thigh. Believe it or not, It didn't hurt like I thought it would, It didn't even hurt when I was pushing the plunger down. I half wonder if I even did it right, but I'm pretty sure that I got it xD

With that done, I eat cake, delicious cake. Yum.

Later, I go to work, because I've realized that I left my coat there the other day. So I push my way through the 'Do no Enter' door and realize that David is not on Register 1 ( o.o; ) And that there is a new kid there on the first register. Since he'd never seen me, and doesn't know that I work there, he starts glaring at me and I totally start laughing and run off to talk to David. I ask where my coat is ( Which I incidentally named Greg on the spot ) and he'd seen it earlier that day in register 1, but as much as I want to run over there and start molesting the new kid, I realize that that's far from appropriate. So instead, I introduce myself to the new kid, whose name turns out to be Evan.

To be perfectly blunt, Evan is amazingly gorgeous, and I really really don't mean that in any sort of degrading manner at all, really I don't. God, he's just, gah! *Fans self*

Anyway, I go back to the breakroom to check for Greg and he's not there, so I go back to the front and look under the register that Evan was at, and low and behold Grey is there! Ahh, but alas, Evan is not. So I go to the break room again to change my availability, and what do you know, Evan's back there on the computer. So I wait my turn, and realize that he's having issues changing his availability. So I squish myself between the vending machine and him, look at the screen a bit, and eventually managed to figure out that he'd said that he was available during hours that we weren't even open, which was why the computer was sending him an error. And hot damn, while I'm doing this, I totally can't help but realize that he smells amazing.

When he's done, I get on the computer and do my stuff while I chat with him. I don't really know much about him, other than that he used to work at Smith's as a bagger and loves In 'n' Out burger. We eventually go back to the front of the store, and I manage not to shove my foot in my mouth. Wewt, one for me! I manage to tear myself away from him and go to Barne's and Noble, and buy Junjo Romantica 1, Codebreaker 2, Tegami Bachi 4, and a book called The World's Most Evil Psychopaths.

So, while I know that the testosterone hasn't been in my system long enough to effect anything, I feel like just knowing that it's there sort of gave me the confidence to talk to Evan today. Usually, around attractive guys, I clam up and end up running away, but I managed to talk to him and make decent conversation. Holy hell, just keep me from hitting on him at work, please god, please, I don't need him to know that I find him ridiculously adorable - especially not now that I'm on T.

Finally!

So yesterday, after all of this time, I was able to go into the doctor's for my HRT consultation. Unfortunately, I was waiting for two and a half hours due to an emergency at the office - it turns out that someone had died, which is sad, but kind of expected when you're dealing with elderly patients. Once I finally got back there, my doctor William was super-nice, as was Slade, his PA. Most of the time that I was there, we were just talking, he was asking questions about me and my feelings and mental health history along with family history. We went over my bloodwork and it turns out that I don't have any signs of diabetes, and my cholesterol is good, and everything else was in average numbers as well, which I feel good about.

William wrote me a prescription, and Slade came back in to teach me how to give myself injections. I did one in my left deltoid with some colored water. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Of course, the T is suspended in oil and the needle will be a pinch bigger, but still, not as terrible as I was expecting. William is starting me off with 0.5 CC of Testosterone Cypponate (( ? )) every Sunday morning, and I'll go see him again in two months. I'm pretty excited, though it kinda stinks because I went to pick up my supplies today, and they didn't have my syringes in stock =____=; So I have to go back for those on Monday. So as you can all imagine, I'm really looking forward to Monday.

Sadly though, most of my family isn't very happy for me. Yesterday, I told everyone that I'd start taking my shots soon. My mother was happy, but unsure. My father kind of stared at me and asked if i was sure. My oldest sister, Mindy made jokes about it and basically said that I couldn't commit to anything. My other sister, Savannah pretty much fretted that I was making a mistake. And my grandma is just...flustered The only people who've been happy for me so far are my boss at work, Go figure, my friends Eva, Debi, Broudy, and my doctors...obviously xD Other than that, I'm getting a lot of luke-warm responses. It's not that I care what they think, but it would be nice to not be asked if I'm sure twenty times a day. I know what I want, and you can't stop me. So there!

My atheist thought for the day

Little boys and girls believe in Santa Clause, until they're told that he's just a made up story, and after that, they believe in Jesus and God instead.


- The End!

N Cosplays, for your viewing enjoyment!

My Favorite N Cosplays!

So these are just sort of reference pictures I suppose. This is N from Pokemon Black / White, the king of all pokemon! Hurk...I love him and his green hair. So as you all can see, he is super uber sexy. Unfortunately, only two screenshots of him actually exist T___T Which makes for a very sad Dar. But, fortunately, his outfit is pretty damned simple. Two shirts, one hat, one giant green wig, one pair of khaki pants, awful green shoes, and accessories. Oh fuck yes, I love his terrible accessories. In other words, N is just one big boat of sex, says I.

I will be cosplaying him in October of this year, I'm adding the finishing touches to the bangles on his left hand, and I'm making his necklace and Menzer's sponge *the rubix cube* right now. They're coming along swimmingly, if I do say so myself. Which I do.

If my cosplay turns out as good as any of these, I will be completely satisfied.

Ahem, anyway, now that I've bombarded you guys with glorious N fanservice, let's talk about Banzai, yes? Yes! So, Anime Banzai is from October 21st to October 23rd this year, hurray! In our brand new venue for the second year in a row. I've attended Banzai every year since it began in 2005, and I was just 15 years old. Huzzah. I plan on spending two nights at the hotel, and staying with two of my close friends. Lulabel and Wolfy. Yes, this is totally what I call them on a daily basis, though Lulabel also gets called Lulu, Lulubug, Lubulu, Luloos, and Luly, and...about a million other names. I find great joy in calling her all of these silly things because she happens to be my supervisor xD Seriously, who else who has a boss who will go to an anime convention with them. Hah! None of you! or...very few of you, I dunno ._.; Wolfy is a girl who I met through my illustration class, she got the nickname because her last name happens to be Wolf. How fitting, yes? Indeed.

Lulabel and I plan on selling stuff in the AA, the Artist Alley. I'm super excited because I've never done this before! She will be selling jewelry in both Steampunk and Asian inspired designs, while I will be selling little clay figurines from popular series such as Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Pokemon, Ouran High School Host Club, Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto, and more! Wish us luck!


...Is it bad that all of the best male cosplayers seem to be girls? .__.;

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

 Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...
          What do we do? We swim, swim, swim....

And cue the fanservice!

Sexy Pikachu is in high demand, oh yes!
...I wish I had a sexy Pikachu girlfriend =___=;

*Gloom*



So...why do you hate being a girl so much?

Believe you me, I get this question nearly every time that I come out to someone about being trans, and my response is always the same, "I don't hate being a girl, but I don't like being stuck in the wrong body," I know that some people are kind of confused when it comes to this concept, but it makes perfect sense to me. In perfect honesty, I wish that I was a girl in a girl's body, life would be so much less complicated, however, as I can't change my brain to fit inside of my body, I have to do it the other way. Sure, I'm a little intimidated with the whole idea of SRS *Sex reassignment surgery* but I'm very willing to go with the alternatives; these alternatives being a double masectomy, and a full hysterectomy, along with going on testosterone, as long as I get these things done, then I'm pretty sure that I'll be happy.

Speaking of me being happy, everyone is constantly asking me if I'm sure about going through with this. I don't know why they think I'm hesitating, or perhaps they hope that I am. Transition is all that I've ever wanted, and while there's a possibility that I'll regret it, I know that if I don't go through with this, I'll regret it even more. I don't want to go through life wondering if I made the right choice or not. The only choice that I have to make is whether or not to try and fix the way that I feel inside my own body.

My father still calls all of this an 'experiment,' It's how he copes with the idea of his little 'girl' wanting to have a dick.

Anyway...yeah, tomorrow I go to my doctor...nurse actually, to get the results of my bloodwork. I'm pretty much on pins and needles right now, and I'm super-wired up, hoping that I get my first taste of T *Testosterone* tomorrow. Wish me luck!

On a less serious note, let's talk about cosplay for a bit, yes? YES! Now, if you're wondering what cosplay is; Cosplay comes from the words 'costume' and 'play,' In a nutshell, it is the amazing expensive passtime of dressing up like various ficticious characters - usually anime characters, or video game characters. Traditional cosplayers only cosplay as Japanese characters, but American cosplay is becoming increasingly popular as well.

Ahem, so there you have it folks, I'm a total nerd and I love it. I've been cosplaying officially since I was sixteen, and my first cosplay was Light Yagami from Death Note. I've also cosplayed as Bakura Ryou from Yu-Gi-Oh! and Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core. While I cosplay, I attend conventions, the main convention that I attend is Anime Banzai, but I've also gone to Anime Oasis as well. I'm currently working on two cosplays for October; A steampunk version of Sora from Kingdom Hearts II, and N Harmonia from Pokemon Black / White. I will be updating you on these as I complete them, and will be adding pictures once I purchase a new camera.

Salutations and hello, fellow netizens!

So, hello, hello everybody.

This is me being unable to load an icon onto this site because my mother's computer bites like crazy...and in the totally sucky and not good way. Oh yes, as you'll find out, I'm definitely a bit of a camera-whore, but it's fun, so nyeah. Alas, my camera is broken, so you'll be frequently treated to year old pictures until I manage to buy a new camera. Hurray >w<

I guess that this is a good time for a proper introduction, yes? In that case, let's get to it, shall we? My name is Darius Aiden, not legally, but it will be one day. One day soon. There is no way that I'm putting my legal name up here, but trust me, it's very odd, and is one of those names that I don't even need a last name. It's like...Cher, or Prince, or Kesha...or something like that. Yeah, cus I'm awesome. Ahem. More about me, I'm twenty one years old and I came into this girl as a cute little girl, only to realize at the age of twenty that I just so happen to be a boy. Hence, the title, Boy born with a V, Aka, Boy born with a Vag. Hurk. I enjoy being blunt, can you tell?

So yeah, about all that being a boy in a girl's body. It's true. I'm an FtM, otherwise known as a Female to Male. I'm currently on my way down the path of a legal sex-change. I've been seeing a gender therapist for four months. I was officially diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder in February of 2011. I'm currently in the process of getting a perscription for Testosterone and went into a nurse's office for bloodwork about a week ago.

Speaking of testosterone, I'm going back to see my doctor again on May 6th. I'm not quite sure what's going to happen this time. I think that I'll be getting my bloodwork results, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get my perscription. I don't know if I get my first shot this Friday, but I'm really hoping. Sure, I'm a little nervous about going on T, but I'm also super psyched. Believe it or not, most of my family knows about my transition. I'm told my parents, my step-parents, my two older sisters, my step-nephew, and even my boss. Phew, I couldn't believe that my boss was totally okay with it. I've also told a large chunk of my friends. However, not everyone is okay with calling me by my chosen name or using the right pro-nouns, but I'll just have to deal with that.

Unfortunately, I've got work soon, so until next time, this is me signing off!